By JA Allen August 28, 2008
Dear Rog baby,
Been away. So sorry to hear your tennis career’s in the toilet! Who woulda believed it, man? How do you go from being feted filet mignon to dawg fodder in a few short months?
I hear both Big Mac’s calling it a day on your tennis career. There’s a load of American ground round temporizing Swiss prime! Every pen and shout man from here to Australia is busy composing eulogies.
There’s gotta be some sort of contest because no matter where you turn, black crepe is clogging the air waves—all with a tainted touch of deepest regrets and much tsking and lecturing about coaching, scheduling and motivation. It’s a monolith out here, man!
They say the US Open is your big swan song before they put you out to pasture...you and Big Brown. Bummer—but it is better nuzzlin’ fillies out in the hinterland than being put down literally—right, big guy?! Whoa Momma!
So who set fire to your invincibility cloak and nuked your Nikes? Did he who shall remain nameless invoke a Spanish curse? Btw, rumor was you and big Stan won a “gold medal” in Beijing. Right!! And I’m Sandra Dee!
No Shanghai sayonara for the Fed man this year? Understand you crashed and burned at Wimby and the French. Hope you at least reached the second round. Every franc helps! Tell me have you won a match this year? Holy horror stories, Swiss guy! Where’s the beat mobile when you need it?! And who was the Joker that beat you at the Aussie Open??
So what are you ranked now? 50? 100? God, I hope not lower than 100! What a year—surreal spiral…again, condolences on the end of a glorious career…but one door closes and another one opens, right big guy?!
Rog, I know you’ve got a couple of bucks stashed away so there is no need to panic. I just gotta tell ya, please, please—no matter how much dough they throw at you—do not agree to do Dancing with the Stars without letting me run interference! I know you can trip the light fantastic on the courts.
But, can you rumba, waltz or do the Paso Doble in skin-tight toreador pants and no shirt? Or how about a cha-cha or a quick step looking oh so hot with a glint in your eye as some gorgeous lithe dancer winds herself around you, ripping off your shirt and sliding down your thighs. Personally, I think you can do it, Rog, with my help.
Now, admit it—what sounds like more fun? Slogging your way back into tennis' top 10 or dancin’ neath the silver moon with one hand wavin’ free….I can see you already on another strobe lit path to fame and glory…show biz calls!
Comments:
Long John Silver posted about 1 year ago
WELCOME - Welcome to the tennis house
am LJS - and wanted to drop in to say hi
this came right out of the left field - very innovative .... unique and hence super interesting
liked it -
looking forward - definitely, to read more from you
cheers ....
J.A. Allen posted about 1 year ago
Thanks - hoped not too far left field. Big fan of your writing! New experience for me but love tennis. Again, nice to be acknowledged by the super stars...jaa
Long John Silver posted about 1 year ago
oh ... no
not a super star or anything like that - just a simple bloke who loves the game
would love to someone to write more about tennis .... join in (really)
Dan Noon posted about 1 year ago
are you sick in the head. mr. federer's career is not over. hes just talkin a break....his best is yet to come....
Brandon Evans posted about 1 year ago
Who said he's career is over?
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